Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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