I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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