Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
