how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
