I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
