guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
