I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
