I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
