The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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