Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
