they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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