woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
