i barfeds in our rink
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
