I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i believe in u and ur pee
Why is there bacon in the couch?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
