Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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