he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
