I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
