see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
