This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
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