I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
