Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I enjoy the company of your penis
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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