Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so let's talk penis.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
