So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
