i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
