you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
