Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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