you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
