I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
