Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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