you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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