Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
