Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
