Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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