I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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