I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
