I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
