Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
