Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
