i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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