We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
