i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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