Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
