Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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