Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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