Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
