I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
