Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
