Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
