I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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