Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
