I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
