I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
