Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Randomize
