this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
