Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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