Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
