If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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