Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize