she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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