38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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