What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
