I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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