I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
