i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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