I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize