Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
