Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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