i already hear my dad disowning me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
