Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
