you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
