just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i out mim tonsoeep
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