I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
