the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize