I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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