I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
