I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
