Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
