I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
