Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
