i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
