Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
