Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
