its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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