All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize