Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
