she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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